Originally was gonna post this on DA.

-sighs- Well, I've been trying to get the mental cloggage out through writing on a word document, with little to no effect. So I thought perhaps a journal entry if I just started mumbling and rant and all would do the trick. So stop reading here if you're not for teh emo.

My mind is desert in a windstorm. My attention span limits my intentions. I might be a devout Taoist for a week and a half. The next I might just be angry. I might honestly to try to change and attack a bad habit, and burn out. I might try to write a story, and maybe get five pages out of it, and then lose interest. Do I have some case of long fucking term ADD? I'm fucking sick of it. I'm done with it, but I'm not, I've tried to kill one fucking bad habit two or three times now! And I succeed until I fucking forget, or lose interest, or do whatever the fuck I do! And it's fucking hurt the person who I would never, ever, ever, ever want to hurt. And she's too stupid to give up on me. I'm halfway there. I go through the motions, I really mean it, but my actions say otherwise. My word is worth nothing. God, I hate that phrase. If there was one phrase that drove a dagger in, twisted it, and left it there that my mom ever used, it was that one. But fuck, why the hell am I even typing this? Hell, I already know the answer. I'm just another angsty son of a bitch. Another emo teen using the anonymity of the internet to vent. Except it's not too anonymous. The people who've read this far know me. Hell, I might not even post this. I don't know yet. Rationale and logic say I shouldn't, but something says I will. I dunno. I just... I wish I could follow through with one phrase. I never have. I don't think, in my entire life, I honestly ever have. If it invovles commitment that extends for more than seven days, and if I'm the only one I'm responsible to, I never do. I wish I could. I want to, I really freaking want to. But I can't. I'll just think 'oh well' after it gets too hard. Maybe it wasn't apathy at all, maybe it was just my fundamental inability to commit. I don't know. I want to go sulk off to some gutter. There's a nice one down on the corner, maybe you'll find me there. Maybe not... What the fuck is wrong with me?

I know now why I chose the name The Hangman. Because I hang myself, every time I try to start.