Currently Listening Crimson By Alkaline Trio see related

- Time to Waste

AAAAAHHH! That last entry is so unbearably and disgustingly emo. It needs to be put down. Well, I'll put it down with this insight I gleaned from the dissolution that permeates my life.

Expectations are the seeds of disappointment.

I want to travel, to get out of here soon, ah! This place is stagnating! (Interesting word choice. I hate this place because its moving and changing. I'm a very static individual prone to nostalgia I found out.)

I've been reading gnostic texts since I read about the Gospel of Judas Iscariot in National Geographic. It's very interesting, I like the idea of the Old Testament God as an imperfect God who was created inadvertently by a wonderful, perfect God. And the idea we all have a piece of that wonderful God in us is awesome. We remain divine, even after the exile from Eden. I read a discourse by one of the old scholars comparing the soul to a prostitute. That sounds rather absured at first, but it was used in the context of a the soul cheating on the true God (that Jesus was an embodiment of) with all these material sense objects, to use a Hindu term. It was very reminiscent of Buddhism and Hinduism, I like it a lot. It was very very neat.

Where is the line between two selfishnesses? Is selflessness to give into another's selfishness? I'm very confused. Need to talk to Giovanini. Hmm...

I love you all.

Post Scriptum: (Written because I had a desire to write more, when some asks why I picked up again on this entry) I was reading my old journal entries. I can't explain it really in words. It's like... It's like Blake's writing. I'm now in experience, and I look back upon my innocence with longing. I want the past back. -sighs- But I can't. I can just hope to achieve organized innocence, in Blakian terms.

Is it a good thing in general if after facing another disappointment I can be happy, clear-sighted, and even slightly optimistic while simultaneously disappointed and bitter? It's weird. -shrugs- Oh well.

I haven't been able to write lately. It makes me sad. Mental cloggage. Ah well. I'm sure something'll come. Hmm. This is a role. Two days in one week were for a duration of time I've harbored the view that the universe is benevolent. My god, reading Emerson is rubbing off on me. (Hell, I already was a transcendentalist, now I'm just... even more of one. Weird.) G'night everyone. I'm going to check this thing more often again.